It’s the middle of the night

had to pop back and update this after worried reader messaged me…. Please understand IT’S ALL OK… 🙂 all part of life’s rich tapestry…and forgot to mention that awake at 4am as no curtains in room…re: decorating…huge street light outside window and man cub has got my quilts. .. I sleep with 4..only had 2…long story
.couldn’t go in and get them as he has a special friend in there….nd I start work Tuesday. .altho payday is 6! Weeks away…but due some housing Ben in meantime… just had little gap in employment..did not get tons done. ..stressing. .oh..altho nd it’s a full moon..A Scorpio moon no less :)) ‘

4am. .. awake… thinking
.worrying if truth be told…
For just over 7 years now I’ve been working on something. .
I’ve gone down a million sidetracks.. and dealt with a myriad of family problems. . I’ve taken  god knows how many side gigs to keep going but I’m seriously reaching the end of the road..
Crunch time. .
I’m clearing clutter and creating my temple as fast as I can. ..but money is what I need…my idea can make money but as soon as any sort of business aspect comes into it..The energy disappears…
at first I didn’t care about the money. ..what we were doing as desisisters was amazeballs .. lots of different women came together…We threw events together literally
..We laughed till we cried. ..soon as we tried to get more formal…more businesslike it fell apart
Then followed a period when I thought I had to be business minded…that didn’t work either .. and the laughter factor was gone
Now. ..I know what needs to be done and how…but the runway from here to survival. .to sustainability is very short. ..
Sleepless nights worrying about the rent…and some very unproductive days…

And the idea that won’t leave me alone…

I’ve still got an english degree … and a masters (Computation)…20+ years of Oracle experience. ..understanding of social media. .can knock up a website
Can’t seriously turn my attention to anything else until I’ve had one last serious shot at ‘desisisters. ..female empowerment network fuelled by bhangra. .Bollywood and bling’.. A global anarchic cooperative spreading. ..sharing… ‘desification’ across the globe…. microfranchises..pamper/birthday/hen parties…and lots of fun stuff. . The random stuff was always more fun..
‘Enabling people to play with the concept of race and identity” by throwing around a few saris…bangles. ..henna. .. entertainment.

Just need to figure out how to pay the rent whilst I get there. ..
Btw. .. of south Asian origin…which I obviously am not… but also…optimistic..enthusiastic.. nice because it makes life better for everyone. ..smiley ditto… which I am..Most of the time 🙂

And a belief (still talking about what desi means) ..  A belief that with enough. Optimism..enthusiasm. .dedication ..and discipline. ..nothing is impossible
..not even a global multi national anarchic cooperative that is great fun…can involve anyone and everyone that wants in… where people don’t just play with saris but play with their own entrepreneurial potential. … from boosting the signal with affiliate links on their blog trying out an itsy bitty biz..

Reminded myself already why I’m doing this. ..and that I’m a desisister. .. won’t be giving up anytime soon X